


It’s okay

by Beautifully_Awkward_Productions



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Chan is an angel, Depression, Gen, Mentioned MinChan roommates, angst bang chan, background friend, bang chan centric, chan feels alone, chanbin, changbin and Chan friendship, changbin does his best, changbin doesn’t understand, dark thoughts and feelings, im not sure how to tag this, im sorry, im venting, mentioned 3RACHA, mentioned Chan and Jeongin friendship, mentioned jeongin - Freeform, mentioned jisung - Freeform, mentioned minho, nonidols, not cannon, we don’t deserve him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28871508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautifully_Awkward_Productions/pseuds/Beautifully_Awkward_Productions
Summary: “Until next time, yeah?” As Changbin left him alone Chan found that his thoughts drifted to the dark crevices of his mind. The darkness seemed to be more prominent these days. He sat down, once again looked at the empty document and sighed.‘next time...is there a next time?’He sat there in silence, even when the motion detection light flicked off and left no light besides the harsh glow of the laptop screen, Chan sat there.Or Chan talks with Changbin about their dying friendship. Chan’s okay with it, really, he understands. He just wishes he didn’t have to.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	It’s okay

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me for this. 🙏🏻

Chan and Changbin sat in the studio, it was silent except for the clicking of keys and occasional hums from the two men. Though Changbin’s mind was lost in work Chan’s was, well, not. His eyes stared at the empty word document on the laptop screen, his mind struggled to focus. The lack of conversion furthered his distraction and grew on his nerves. His and Changbin’s previous conversation days ago played on loop in his mind, where new lyrics should be.  


Frustrated, Chan sighed, pushed his laptop away and turned towards the younger. “It’s okay you know.” Changbin looked up, brows raised and lips parted. Chan took note of the younger’s slight head tilt. He always noticed the small things.  


“What?” Changbin stared at his coworker. They’d known each other for a couple years now. They both worked for the same entertainment agency writing and producing music for ‘up and coming’ talents.  


“You know, about what you said the other day. That we aren’t as close anymore. It’s okay.” Chan didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that it had bothered the dark haired man to share that piece of information. Chan had felt his own guilt and self loathing flood through him at his friends uneasiness at their last conversation. He only brought it up to hopefully help soothe Changbin’s own guilt. After all he only told the truth.  


They were close in the beginning. Practically inseparable. But recently their CO added another person to their producing team, Han Jisung. It’s not that he disliked the new comer, because he doesn’t, Chan really liked Jisung and he fit in so perfectly to their duo. Almost like he was a missing piece. He and Changbin got along well too. Jisung and Changbin squabbled like siblings, yet neither left the others side. Soon enough Chan and Changbin’s friendship fell to the back burner while Bins friendship with Jisung flourished. Not that Chan minded, he was happy to see his friends happy.  


Chan felt small under Changbin’s stare despite being the larger of the two. Still as he looked at him, Chan couldn’t help but hope that he didn’t notice that his eyes lacked their usually warmth. Hoped he wouldn’t notice that his skin was pale which only highlighted the dark pigment under his eyes, which Chan felt was permanently tattooed there. Or notice how his cheek bones were a bit more prominent than usual, something his roommate Minho pointed out recently.  


He drank Changbin’s silence up and let it settle over his already nauseous stomach. “I kind of expected it to happen eventually.” He shrugged and let out a soft hum. “I’m a background friend.”  


“I’m sorry, a background friend?” The dark haired man huffed, his lips pressed into a thin line to match his pinched in eyebrows. Chan smiled faintly, his eyes glazed over.  


“Yeah. You know the kind of friend that’s always there, but never really ‘there’. I’m the friend that’s there to fill space, smile and sometimes offer up some pieces of conversation. Not the kind that matters though.” Changbin looked at Chan completely dismayed. “I’m not the kind you call on a Friday night to go out or a lazy day just to hang with.” Chan shrugged, “That’s okay though. I’m okay. I’m used to it by now.”  


“No, Hyung that’s not it. I....” He could tell the younger wanted to argue with him because he felt that it wasn’t true. Chan was often told that he was a kind soul. Despite the fact that he always smiled, did his best to make others happy and was a hard worker, he just wasn’t who most people gravitated towards.  


“Bin, it’s okay. You’re not the first person to pull away from me. Trust me. It’s not your fault, I was in a really dark place and I pushed everyone way; you, Minho and even Jeongin.” The mention of the young trainee who took a liking to Chan, left the blonde with a sharp pain in his chest. He and Jeongin were extremely close, closer than even he and Changbin. It was like Chan had adopted the smaller boy, only to push him away so he could suffer alone. “I didn’t expect you to...”  


“YA! To what?! Care? Fight? Is that what you really think of me Chan!? That I don’t care about my friends!!” Changbin’s voice was rough with emotion, his fingers were clenched in a tight fist as he stood quickly. His office chair toppled over with a small thud which neither man noticed.  


Chan blinked and calmly replied in soft voice, “No. That’s not it.” Chan never meant to insult him. He frowned, his leg began to bounce and his finger nails scratched at his hoodies seam. He felt like he was drowning and was unable to break the surface. How is it that he always managed to make things worse? _‘Why can’t I do anything right!?’_  


“Then what!?”  


“I don’t expect you to care about me. I don’t expect anyone to care about me.” Chan smiled gently in contrast to the tears that ran down his face not quick enough. They left scorch marks in their wake. He hated crying, he should be stronger than this, he’s dealt with all this before! _‘Weak! Stupid! Get it together!’_ His hand shot up to wipe away the evidence of his failure. “I’m Nothing special. I never have been.”  


“How could you say that Hyung? Why do you feel this way?” Chan watched the weight of his words ease the tension on Changbin’s face. However, the anger was replaced with apprehension. Changbin’s words were laced with concern, but the pity made Chan’s stomach churn. He flinched away when Changbin reached out for him. He couldn’t stand the idea of being touched in that moment; the idea alone made made his skin burn and itch.  


“I don’t know. I always have I guess. It doesn’t matter.” He looked away, the last statement came out in a rush of muddled together words. Before Changbin could push Chan any further, the older immediately changed the topic. “Besides it’s getting late, you should get going.” He smiled, though it lacked his trade mark dimples, and stood.  


“Chan-hyung -“  


“I really do have to get going too. You know how Minho gets when I come back too late.” He chuckled and hoped the mention of his angered roommate was enough to quell any further questions. By his friends sigh Chan knew that it worked.  


“We’re not done talking about this though. Next time.” Changbin left no room to argue so Chan nodded and hummed his confirmation.  


“I’ll see you later.”  


“Sure.” Chan sat quietly and watched as Bin packed away his laptop and other belongings. As he was about to turn to leave Chan blurted out, “Thanks for talking.”  


“Yeah, ‘course. See ya later Hyung.”  


“Until next time, yeah?” As Changbin left him alone Chan found that his thoughts drifted to the dark crevices of his mind. The darkness seemed to be more prominent these days. He sat down, once again looked at the empty document and sighed. _‘next time...is there a next time?’_  


He sat there in silence, even when the motion detection light flicked off and left no light besides the harsh glow of the laptop screen, Chan sat there.  


**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry. Just wanted to vent some feelings and took it out on one of my favorite duos. Let me know what you think!


End file.
